This past weekend in Flat Rock was the second time I’ve worked with Rob in person now. (Just so you can put a face/person to the email: I’m the one who asked you on night one about the physical sensations I’ve been feeling in the center of my forehead and you said that my third eye is opening, and who during the healing on day 2 saw my two future children being born. Today, I’m the one who just cried in your arms and you looked at me afterwards, right in the eyes, and said “you are free now.” I’ll never forget that moment. Ever.)

I HAD depression and anxiety my whole life (emphasis on the “had”- that shit is in my past now!) I don’t have it anymore. I don’t claim that story anymore. That was my past and I learned so much from those experiences that has helped me to become a more compassionate and empathetic human being, but I know in my soul now that I am healed.

I’ll be 33 on Thursday, I’ve never been married (yet), never had a long term serious relationship (yet), and have had the experience of being heartbroken more than I would have liked to. I think somewhere along the way I sort of gave up hope that I’d ever have children in this lifetime, although I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was a child myself. And, I have been. I’ve mothered so many children in the past 10 years, from my students in France, to an orphan abandoned in Haiti, to the thousands of pediatric patients and their siblings that I have worked with over the past 9 years as a Child Life Specialist. I’ve watched too many children die, but been there to hold and comfort their mothers, fathers, and siblings during those moments.

But this weekend during the afternoon healing, I got to watch my children being born. I saw myself holding my future daughter in my hospital bed, doting on her and telling her how long I’ve waited to meet her and hold her. At this point my eyes were just pouring tears and I didn’t want the vision I was seeing unfold in my imagination to end. I started to feel sad knowing that the moment eventually would pass, and when I started to grieve that I heard in my thoughts “we have more to show you.” And then i watched my future son being born and my daughter meeting him. It was beautiful and perfect, and thank you so much for facilitating that gift. I can’t wait to meet them one day. I can’t wait to be their mom. I feel so grateful to have had this healing work done now for me (and for them) so that I can be the best mother possible to them. In my vision/imagination, I also saw my two children playing with all the other children I’ve worked with in the hospital over the past decade who have died. I watched them playing together in a beautiful meadow (and my dog, Henry, who is my real-life sidekick/best friend/soulmate and the cutest golden retriever you’ll ever see was there in my vision too, playing with the kids).

I’ve been more thirsty than I’ve been in my entire life this weekend (which I am VERY happy about because that means I’m flushing out a lot), and today I took a solid nap. During my nap, the phrase “learned helplessness” kept coming up in my dreams; just this full understanding that the depression and anxiety I struggled with (again, past tense) for so long was only because I had yet to claim the healing that was always available to me. I recognized in my dream that many humans struggle with this “learned helplessness” and I am truly grateful to have now had the opportunity to create a different, better story for myself. I am whole, perfect, healthy, and healed now.

There is so much I could say about this weekend, about your work, and about how grateful I am to be in this healthy body and have this healthy mind. I know you don’t claim credit for this work, but I do want to thank you for opening yourself up and allowing yourself to be the conduit for these healings. Your vulnerability is courageous and kind.

Thank you again. Peace be with you now and always. -L.F.